I was listening to Midmorning on the radio today and Kerri Miller was interviewing a very interesting man, Dr. Leonard Sax, the author of "Girls On the Edge". I only caught the last 20 minutes or so, but what I heard was riveting. You can listen to it yourself here, if you are interested, because I could never do justice to everything he spoke about.
Lately I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this subject, looking for great female role models for my kids - not to be just examples, but to also be their friends, people of similar values to mine who will reinforce our common beliefs, share their knowledge with them, and be someone for my kids to go to when - heaven forbid - they may not want to talk to me. Dr. Sax had a great point: 20 or 30 years ago we had more developed communities. He knew as a kid that if he broke the rules in his neighbourhood, even if his mom wasn't watching, countless neighbours would be watching him and correct his behaviour in a heartbeat. Nowadays I don't think many moms would even run out their front door to stop a child from playing in the street, or riding without a helmet. We are too afraid to offend someone (or maybe be sued?). We have isolated ourselves. Now our children have fewer accessible role models because they are not spending time with any grown-ups.
Dr. Sax is saying that young girls (pre-teens in particular) are looking for clues for how to be "grown-up". They are on the brink of it, they can't wait to grow up and they are soaking up all the clues to how to act, what to do, how to behave with boys/men, how to dress etc. But most kids in school spend 90% of their time with other kids. So they are basically counseling each other - and worse, they are looking to the marketplace and the media for examples of what a woman should be.
You could keep the TV firmly turned off, but Dr. Sax says that the bigger issue is that we are lacking a community of women, of adults, who are spending real time with our young girls and listening to what they have to say. Most young girls these days have only a teacher or their mom as an adult role model - but what 15 year old girl will say she wants to be just like her mother? This issue also relates to boys - groups of adult men used to bring the boys along on fishing trips, coming-of-age camping trips - and this is how boys saw how to be a "man" instead of turning to unrealistic examples in the media and celebrity world (Tiger Woods anyone?).
I think that my kids are a little young to be approaching some of these issues, though I do think they have adults in their lives right now who are willing to talk to them and listen to them. When they are a little older I hope I remember this interview and try to find ways to engage them with other adult women (multi-generational book club maybe?). There was another piece on a similar subject on Midmorning a few months ago on a similar subject, you can listen to it here.
