Heartache & sweetness

Does it ever go away? I was looking at some old photographs of Maymuna as a baby. When I closed my eyes I felt like I could reach through the computer screen and touch that baby soft cheek... I remember the weight of holding her... I remember her baby hair smell... I bring out her old clothes for Hafsa to wear, and it feels like just yesterday that I bought them for Maymuna. And Maymuna grows and grows, and more clothes go into storage... goodbye to more pants and t-shirts, days and weeks and years.

Tonight I kissed her and told her that she was my baby once. She said I'll be a baby again one day. No, you won't, I said. You're big now. Smiling, I said, inshallah you'll grow up and one day you'll be an adult and have a family of your own, like this one. With you too mommy, she said. What if you get married and your husband wants you to live with him? I asked her. She thought the idea was hilarious. I'll say you come too, she decided (obviously she'll be the boss). Great! What about Baba? I asked. He'll be at Subway picking up sandwiches, she said. And we laughed and it was all resolved. Is it strange to be comforted by a 3 year-old's promise that she doesn't want to leave you quite yet?

I miss her, the baby she was. Do mothers spend their entire lives with the weight of those beautiful memories heavy on their hearts? When she's twenty years old will I look at her and see her, in my mind's eye, as a baby, a girl and woman all in one? It's beautiful, it's lovely, but it aches too. The time, it passes by all too fast.





I comfort myself that I have tried to love and live every single moment... I hope I have done my best.

Dear People Magazine,

Picked up your latest issue last night, on a whim at Target. I'm not a frequent buyer of your mag, but something about the cover story hooked me (I think there's something in me that likes to see things organized, categorized, and ranked) and so the "100 Most Beautiful" headline caught my eye.

Well. How underwhelming was that.

I vaguely recalled, as I flipped through the mind-numbing pages, that I bought this issue last year too! And I remember now the distinctly familiar feeling of being RIPPED OFF. The world is such a big place, with so many beautiful people in it, but your magazine, once again, just features a rotation of the same big name celebrities. Young celebrities, coming-of-age celebrities, older celebrities, celebrities with short hairstyles, models, models "with curves", celebrities over 60, international celebrities... It goes on and on. Roll call! Julia Roberts? Check! Angelina? Check! Brad? Check! George Clooney? Check! Matthew McConaughey? Check!

Sigh.

NOT THAT I CARE, but really, couldn't you do a little better? I seem to remember years and years ago that you featured some interesting people (authors, athletes, even politicians and activitists, non-celebrity ones) and also there was some quasi-interesting photography too. Instead we get the latest press release photo or whatever photo you had handy from the last time that celebrity was featured in your magazine. There is a distinctly awkward crop-job of Reese Witherspoon, whose head just seems to hover above the bottom of the page. Ugh.

And then there's the "Stars with No Make-Up" feature. Hilarious! I actually didn't even make it past that page in the magazine last night. I laughed until I was so tired I had to go straight to bed. Ahem. No make-up. Let's say I believe you on this one. And no re-touching of the images. Okay, really suspending my disbelief here. But just in case it wasn't enough that all the celebrities you picked are almost all in their early 20's anyway, you blasted each face with a light so bright and fierce that its glare obliterated the semblance of any possible blemish... or pore.
No offense to Rachael, Jessica, Drew and the ladies... you look great and everything... It's just funny. If only I could walk around everyday with my own personal lighting team. Maybe one person could carry a giant flood light, and another maybe a fan for a windy effect. They could engulf me in light/wind whenever the surroundings were unflattering. Anyway, People magazine, I digress.

It was easy to feel a bit skeptical when across the page from your beauty-is-happiness fest is this:


A Botox advertisement. Say it ain't so!! People, we thought you had changed your ways. But alas, this and the 30 million ads for cosmetics and undergarments have betrayed your true mandate! But I guess that's what really sells magazines, ain't it. So go along your merry way now. Perhaps we'll meet again next year. (well, possibly sooner but I'll never admit to it.)

Toodles,
Jen in Minneapolis

Blood and Puke and Poo, oh my!

Been a few days since our last post here. And it's been a messy, messy few days. The girls have taken turns with a little tummy bug... and the results have been less than pleasant. And involve lots and lots of laundry. Hafsa just seems to take it all in stride, "yo, I had spinal surgery, hello? This is nothing. Excuse me while I puke on you again." I learn more and more about my kids every single day (like Hafsa projectile vomits! who knew? until day!) And will somebody tell me WHY children are never woefully ill during the daytime??? Sickness always seems to involve LACK OF SLEEP for the parents involved. At least 3 loads of laundry accumulated by 6:30 this morning, Hafsa got to go back to sleep while Ozayr and I got to get up and, well, wash our sheets.

Unfortunately today was also her day for bloodwork (re possible latex allergy) and we couldn't really put it off if we want the test results before we leave for our trip. So... downtown we went, and she got her blood drawn. Maymuna was strangely fascinated by the whole experience, being on the other side of the needle, I guess. She was very consoling... and wanted to see the hole in Hafsa's arm and the bandaid and hear every gruesome detail. "Poor Hafsa-mo-mo" she said.

Hasfa-mo-mo is one of our many nicknames for #2. Have you read Memoirs of a Geisha? There was a movie, but the book was much better. No time for a review, just trust me. Anyway, the protagonist's roommate is kind of a crazy geisha, and her name is Hatsumomo. She is a bit of a diva and has a bit of a temper, let's say (okay, she burns down the okiya, whatever). We called Hafsa Hafsu-mo-mo once or twice when she was kicking and screaming over something, and somehow it's become a regular little nickname for her (even when she's in a good mood, which is most of the time). Ozayr also calls her Pinball. Because she just bounces off everything. She's walking really well, but even if she's unsteady, she just keeps going anyway and the falls don't really keep her down...

Boy, this is a rambling blog post tonight. Anyway we were at the hospital today getting the bloodwork done. Our allergist recommends going to a children's hospital to get tests done because they deal with kids every day, they can find the incy wincy little veins etc. Pulling into the parking garage I was thinking, in less than 2 years, how many hospitals have we been to? Children's Minneapolis, Children's West, Gillette, Fairview Riverside... That's 4 and I'm not counting any doctor's offices or clinics... Am I missing any? Anyway, you Canadians reading would FAINT if you saw them... You would PASS OUT. The children's hospitals in particular are amazing. Not only do they have fabulous facilities, medically speaking, they are also designed with kids in mind. There's art on the ceilings over the beds. There are brightly coloured covers over the fluorescent lighting so there's no glare if you're lying in bed staring at it. There are play areas throughout. There are giant red wagons for transporting (well enough) children instead of hospital beds. The hallways are lined with interactive science-museum-esque displays. Honestly, the kids have a great time there!! We left the hospital today after a short visit (maybe an hour) with 2 Curious George pencils, 2 My Little Pony stickers and a book. Yes, a BOOK. You have to see it to believe it.

Before you accuse me of being wooed by the system here, I must assure you that I will always believe in universal healthcare. Everyone should have the right to THIS level and quality of care. Anyway, as great as the care is, and we've been very fortunate in the past to have access to it, I said a little prayer of thanks on the way OUT of the hospital today, that I was leaving and taking my babies home with me.

I know how lucky I am.

Picture Post!

Remember the days when this was a blog about the kids? for the grandparents? Due to the lack of photos lately, here are some from the last couple of weeks in the glorious sunshine...

Here are the last few days of cold weather we had. Hafsa's trying out the "new" second-hand backpack.


This was the very last of our snow. I actually "imported" this snow from the last dregs on our driveway and the neighbour's driveway so that Maymuna could make "ice castles" with it.


This is Maymuna and Hafsa being truly Ozayr's offspring... Out on a walk, reading books in the stroller...


The swimming lessons are still happening once a week and Ozayr has been taking Maymuna on the weekends as well, to help her get even more comfortable in the water. Here is a picture of her taking the big leap into the pool. And then one of them in their new swimming goggles (which she calls "eye glasses").


Hafsa drawing... and subsequent blue mouth...


There was much commotion on Friday morning as a group of men arrived and started digging a hole across the street. We kept tabs on them all day, how deep it seemed to be, how many men were out there. Then we went downstairs to the basement for 1/2 an hour and when we came up they were gone and the hole was filled... In this video Maymuna and Hafsa are enjoying the show...



Finally just two cute random pictures of the girls enjoying that beautiful day... Maymuna is playing with the mail that just arrived and asking me to "pay" for each individual piece.


And this one of Hafsa, well, is just so Hafsa...


Happy Monday!

A jumble of thoughts. And Pastor Becky.

What a week. There's a lot going on and whirling around in my mind this week... You can imagine that the campus mass shooting in Virginia has everyone here rattled. And there was a bomb scare on our very own campus 2 days later (eight buildings evacuated, no bomb, no one hurt). My husband, of course, was cool as a cucumber, but when I called I demanded to know why he was answering the phone instead of hiding under his desk... "And if you're not hiding why aren't you hightailing it out of there???" Hahaha, he said, it's not my building that's been evacuated, don't worry. HELLO?? I read the news on the internet, buddy, the building and the parking garage across the street from yours have been closed down - THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH FOR ME. But to no avail, the man would just not come home early.

It made me think. You know, I think men and women are just different. Flight or fight response in the face of stress? I think I have neither really. I think I have a "hunker down" instinct. My instinct in the face of danger is to grab those closest and dearest to me and hold them tight in a safe place. Grab my kids and run for the walk-in closet. Let my husband go out and fight the baddies off or run down the street (fight or flight who cares! I'm busy hunkering!). Anyhoo, I told you I had a lot on my mind. There's more.

Last night I watched the first half of possibly the most disturbing documentary ever, Jesus Camp. OH MY GOD, it will freak you out. Here's the movie's official synopsis for you.

A growing number of Evangelical Christians believe there is a revival underway in America that requires Christian youth to assume leadership roles in advocating the causes of their religious movement.

JESUS CAMP directed by Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady (The Boys of Baraka), follows Levi, Rachael, and Tory to Pastor Becky Fischer's "Kids on Fire" summer camp, where kids as young as 6 years-old are taught to become dedicated Christian soldiers in "God's army."

The film follows these children at camp as they hone their "prophetic gifts" and are schooled in how to "take back America for Christ." The film is a first-ever look into an intense training ground that recruits born-again Christian children to become an active part of America's political future.

I could only stomach the first half. I felt physically nauseated. I am pretty open minded. I can tolerate the idea that everyone has their own beliefs. I try not to judge. I can tolerate a lot, there were even 2 blatant lies about Islam in the first 5 minutes, but I still didn't turn it off. What broke me was the mental and emotional ill-treatment of children - almost criminal here. The children are shamed for everything they do, everything they enjoy. I mean, shamed to tears. Pastor Becky (I will have nightmares about her for years to come) tells them "God told me that there are children here who are good at church... but are different at school with their friends. He hates hypocrisy..." and on and on she goes (her sermons are an hour long, she boasts). Every child there is thinking of themselves at that point, because what child hasn't acted out a bit at school? And kids are self-centered, they think everything refers to them! On and on she goes until half the children in the auditorium are crying or clinging to their mothers. Because they believe themselves to be worthless... Ah, but Pastor Becky says there is a way to be saved...

Later we see Pastor Becky making powerpoint presentations "THE PUNISHMENT FOR SIN IS DEATH" it says (Ozayr turns to me and says "how can a life cycle be evil?"). Then she changes the font to a red, blood-drippy font. "That'll be good" she says. The fear-mongering is incredible. "The devil targets the young..." she tells the children. Their eyes are wide... The first night of camp the boys want to tell spooky stories before bed. A counselor comes in and tells them it's wrong. They tell six-year olds that Harry Potter should be put to death. And don't get me started about how much they love George W. Bush. Oh dear.

You know what the most frightening thing about Pastor Becky is? This is not a hidden camera documentary. No no no. She is open and willing and proud of what she is doing and can't wait to share what she does to these kids (her mission) with a wider audience. She thinks she's great. Watch this and you will be disturbed, deeply disturbed.

Sidney Poitier has a memoir out, it's called The Measure of a Man. His father used to say that the measure of a man is how he treats his children. I can think of nothing truer than that. I really can't. And the same is true for every religion-based group, every society, every family. How you treat your children says what kind of people you are.

Kid Cooperation (goes on and on)

Next chapter from Elizabeth Pantley's Kid Cooperation is Building your Child's Self-Esteem. Woo-hoo! Self-esteem is the buzz word of the blame-your-parents school of psychological thought... But that said, I don't want my kids to have any excuse to blame me, so let's read on!!

Choose your words carefully. Children create an image of themselves through the input they receive from us, particularly in the early years. They're very sensitive to all the cues we give them. Even a comment disguised as a compliment or joke will be taken at face value. So think before you speak. And try to phrase your comments positively.

Help Your Children Develop Positive Thinking Skills. Discuss positive thinking with your kids. Point out positive vs. negative attitudes from news stories or life stories. Model a positive attitude - children learn what they live.

Develop your Child's Best Qualities. Every individual has something special to offer the world. Without acknowledgment and nurturing, skills and talents have a way of stagnating or fading. Give your child opportunities to try out new experiences, help them find their 'thing'.

For a young child, your chores can be exciting learning experiences for them. Letting them help gives them a sense of self-worth and mastery.

When children try something new, and seem to like it or do well at it, give them the positive encouragement to keep practicing. Try to stress the inherent joy in mastery, rather than suggesting that mastery will make your child more lovable. In other words, make sure your child knows that your love is based on identity rather than accomplishments.

Praise and Encourage. Do both. Duh.

Listen with Your Heart. Active listening involves an array of behaviours that express your attention, empathy and respect. Put down your newspaper, shut off the TV. Don't rush in with suggestions or solutions. Demonstrate you are listening with appropriate questions. Validate your child's fear or worry, don't minimize it by saying "oh, there's nothing to be afraid of." Help your child focus on resolving the situation, rather than getting mired in the problem.

Love is the Wind Beneath our Wings (yes, this is actually written in the book.) If your children know that their place in your world is secure, they will have the confidence to move out into the bigger, wider world. Love your child and say so in words, by showing affection, by working to use good parenting skills and accept them for who they are.

End of Self-Esteem 101.

I doubt there are many new ideas there... parents are acutely aware of self-esteem, I think. I read so much about it in university, and so did anyone who took a first year psych class. Also it did seem like it was the (slightly whiny) anthem for my generation, particularly of the grunge variety (wasn't there a song "I'm just a dweeb with no self-esteem"?) Ah, the early 90s.

Anyway, it's nice to read about it in the sense of helping your child to have good self-esteem rather than "this is what could go wrong if you don't have any - drugs! gangs!" sort of thing. I actually think that this society (American and Canadian) is largely confidence-driven. You can be good at something, but that's really not enough anymore. You've got to be good AND believe it AND sell yourself. And sometimes confidence seems to take people far despite not having much skill at all.

I'm surprised that the author didn't discuss external v.s. internal self-esteem that much. Essentially that you don't want your child's self-esteem to be dependent on outside sources - like you, or praise/validation from others. Ultimately I would hope for my children that they hold themselves to an internal standard, based on their own faith/morals and personal goals and the people they wish to be... and be less dependent on what others think to feel good about themselves.

You know, sometimes it's hard to keep these goals in mind as you parent, day-to-day. I mean, I'm just trying to keep everyone clothed and clean. And fed. And of course, have high self-esteem. This parenting thing is a tough job. I'm going to bed.

Need some help with the dishes?

Came across this fabulous article, thanks to the parenting group at Maymuna's preschool. Maymuna's always trying to help out around the house, "can I help you?" is her catchphrase currently, and she's happy to do anything except vacuum, pretty much. Turns out that this is a great time to help her have an active role in the household... Check out these excerpts from this article "Chore Wars" originally published in Minnesota Parent magazine...

***

Research by Marty Rossmann, associate professor of family education at the University of Minnesota, indicates that parents can have a major impact on their children's future by encouraging them to help with tasks around the house.

Rossmann found that having children take an active role in the household, starting at age 3 or 4, influenced their ability to become well-adjusted young adults. "It seems there's a payoff to having children help out, beyond learning how to keep a home in order."

She analyzed variables - including parenting styles, gender, types of household tasks, and attitudes and motivators associated with doing the tasks - to determine the impact on the children. She then measured each individual's "successes." "I looked at the outcomes when they were in their mid-20s, focusing on what they were doing in regards to completing their education or being on a path to completing their education, getting started on some type of career path, their relationships with family and friends, and whether or not they were using drugs, " Rossman explains.

Rossmann's research indicates that the best predictor for young adults' success in their mid-20s is that they participated in household tasks at age 3 or 4.

"Being involved in household tasks at a young age is what made the difference for a positive outcome," Rossmann says. "Through participating in household tasks, parents are teaching children responsibility, how to contribute to family life, a sense of empathy and how to take care of themselves."

However, Rossmann warns, don't wait too long to get children involved around the house. "The key is to start early," she says. "If you don't, it backfires. The study showed that when a parent started their children in tasks at ages 9 to 10, or worse, 15 to 16, the children thought that the parent was asking them to do something they didn't want to do. They didn't get the concept of 'we're all in this together.' They were far too self-centered."

***

So obviously you can see why a mother like me would love this article, but the more I think about it, the more I believe what they say is true. Though I don't think it's because of the chores in and of themselves... When Maymuna helps me around the house, making food, raking leaves or dusting, it really does make her happy. I really think her self-esteem is boosted from the feeling that I value her help and that she is competent and has skills. Plus we are spending time together working on a common task which I think she enjoys. More often than not it takes longer to do something when a 3 year old is helping you, so I'm not expecting my work load to be lightened by any means... And by the way, I'm using the term "chores" loosely here... I don't mean a task that has to be completed every week or something like that. But if I ask her to take her (plastic) dishes back to the kitchen after dinner, I think that is in line with what she's capable of at this age, or brushing her own teeth, dressing herself in part, etc.

Funny, while reading that article I was interested in the idea of "success" in mid-20s, but far more interested in how to end up with teenagers who are willing to help out around the house!!

Like I have time for this.

So I'm kind of debating a new hobby. I don't have the time or energy or even supplies, but something lately has been calling out to me... quilting.

Yes, quilting. I kind of have a thing for blankets. You can't go wrong with them, in my opinion. Your child is sick, cold, tired, drinking warm milk, in the stroller on a cold day or let's say, even in bed.... a blanket is the perfect thing. It always makes you feel a bit better on a bad day, to be wrapped up snugly in a something warm and worn in.

Every time I go into the cute little baby boutiques around here, there's always a soft, pink, gorgeous quilt that I want to grab and take home - but it's usually like $100. Not going to happen! I have been coveting the matching quilt for Maymuna's bedsheets from Pottery Barn for at least a year, but it's never going to drop below it's current 150 dollar price tag... I've come to terms with that.

Do a google search for "quilt" and I'll tell you, you come up with a few weird things. Let me clarify that should I decide to go ahead with quilting, I will not be quilting any pictures of Gandhi's head...


or anyone else's head for that matter...


I probably won't quilt Ireland...


Or my local county in map form...


And while I do have a lot of respect for more traditional quilting (and cute old ladies)...


I think I am more inspired by things like this...


Though I'd be happy to make each of the girls a nice simple quilt with pretty colours, something like one of these perhaps...


I'm starting to understand why grandmothers are so busy, because I'm never going to have time to do any of this stuff until my kids are grown... and like, do I need a sewing machine or what?

probably not what they had in mind

Parenting Book: Kid Cooperation cont'd

Well, I can't believe it's taken me so long to get to this point, but I've finally made it past the hundredth page of this book (Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging & Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate by Elizabeth Pantley). Alrighty then, all those interested, let's proceed...

Chapter 4: Punishment Versus Discipline (there is a difference. a big one.)

Parents punish to stop a misbehaviour, to teach a lesson, to make children see "who's in charge" or when they are frustrated and don't know what else to do. This includes yelling, nagging, threats, lectures, spanking and bribing. Cut to the chase: Elizabeth Pantley says punishment doesn't work (and in some cases just wrong!). All punishment does is put strain on the parent-child relationship.

Discipline, described as "training that develops self-control and character," can work. The rest of the chapter outlines numerous methods for dealing with your child's misbehaviour without resorting to punishment.

Use Rules and Expectations. Sometimes things are hazy for kids. When children know exactly what's expected of them, they are more likely to behave in ways you deem appropriate. For example, don't say "Be good." Say "please stay seated while we're having dinner." Try making a list of the repeated misbehaviours that occur in your home. Then create a simple rule for just a few of the top most important issues (don't create a rule for every issue that comes up). Decide on an appropriate consequence for each rule when it's broken. When the consequence is related to the misbehaviour, it helps to teach a lesson. Some suggestions are time-outs or "making amends" (like buying a replacement, cleaning up the mess made, offering an apology).

Talk Less, Act More. Parents sometimes hinder their effectiveness by talking too much. Then they follow up their talk with very little action. Parents who endlessly threat and nag actually teach their kids to tune them out. Don't try to control your children with your voice. Instead of asking your children over and over to play nicely and share, you can quietly remove the toy and put it where they can't reach it. You don't even have to say a word for them to get the idea that they can have it back when they stop fighting over it.

Time Out. Benefits of the time-out are that it interrupts a child's negative behaviour with needed space, time and quiet. Great for stopping physical violence and other misbehaviours that need to be stopped immediately and gives both the child and parent time to cool off and calm down.

Natural Consequences. Experience is a wonderful teacher. The child who doesn't wear mittens will get cold hands. A child who is rude to a friend will find the friend unwilling to spend time with him. If your child doesn't study, he'll get a low grade on the test. Within limits, of course, natural consequences permit children to learn through their own actions (or lack of actions). Remember, natural consequences themselves are enough, keep your angry emotions out of the picture. Often, parents understand the 'consequence' part of this process, but miss the opportunity to help their child learn, because they change the focus of the discussion to the parent's anger. If you add "I told you so!" or "you should have listened to me when I told you..." you are taking the focus OFF the lesson learned and its benefit is lost.

Logical Consequences. There are times when we cannot allow a natural consequence to occur, because it would be too severe or too expensive. Logical consequences are those that you arrange or enforce as a result of your child's actions or lack of actions. Logical consequences are most effective when a child can see the connection between the behaviour and the consequence. For example, ten-year-old Sarah uses two or three towels after each bath, filling the hamper with them. Her parents explained that a towel could be re-used several times before washing, but the message wasn't sinking in. Next chore rotation: Sarah was notified she was in charge of laundering towels. Problem solved.

Distraction and Avoidance. Things are getting a little frenzied in the house, the kids are getting rowdy... Step one, take a deep breath and relax. Step two, divert their attention. Snap your fingers or clap your hands. Step three, forget about the problem. Move forward, distract everyone with an activity or plan "who wants to order pizza for dinner tonight?" This is perfect for siblings just after the arrival of a new baby. A barrage of "no! don't! stop!" is just the way to make an older sibling resent his/her baby sibling. Just as the "hugging" of the new baby is starting to become aggressive, "Hey! Where's that great new baby book? Let's get it and read it!"

Behaviour Baseball. Three strikes and you're out! Use this technique for major repeat problems and use it for only one issue at a time. Use realistic time periods, rules and consequences. Don't bargain over strikes. If the rule was broken, a strike has been earned. It's still okay to give a reminder when called for (after all, you do want your child to succeed.) Example: For the month of May, Ginger the hamster must have fresh food and water daily. Ginger's cage must be cleaned twice a week. Mom will remind Angela to do this, but will not do the chore. After 3 strikes, the consequence is Ginger's cage will be moved out of Angela's room and into the family room.

Problem-Solving Together. Choose a quiet, uninterrupted time to address a problem. Start by defining the problem in unemotional terms. Let your child give his/her side of the story. Listen quietly. Discuss as many possible solutions as you can come up with together. Jointly decide which solution you will use, and follow through (and by the way, if you have one solution in mind, and nothing else will satisfy you, then this isn't the right technique to use at the moment). When children are involved in the problem-solving process, they are far more likely to follow through with the solution than if you forced your own solution upon them.

Whew! Well, I think I'll stop there and I'll get into the other chapters later. So, I do quite like this book. Establishing a few agreed-upon rules with Maymuna, particularly in regard to safety issues (like, the kitchen is off-limits while I'm in the shower), has worked well. I tried the natural consequences thing once or twice. We were having a raging argument about her wearing tights under her dress. She did not want to wear them. In the end, I thought this fight is not worth it. I decided to let her go without them (a pair secretly tucked away in my bag in case she asked for them later). We left to school and in the parking lot I asked her, are your legs cold? No, she said, quite happily. I said nothing, I didn't push it. Not a single complaint of cold the whole day. So maybe she was right and just didn't need the tights... Maybe instead of her learning natural consequences, I'll be the one to learn a thing or two...

Say it ain't so

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

On the way to preschool this morning Maymuna said "I think the snow needs to go back to its family..."


Well said, little girl.

Saturday stuff

Quite a lovely Saturday around here, I must say. I spent the morning shopping with a friend who needed a dress for a wedding. Though it took us close to FOUR HOURS I must say that I had fun... I haven't had that much concentrated time to focus on clothes, accessories, shoes or INTERACTING WITH OTHER ADULTS in quite some time. The (uber-caffeinated) Turtle Mocha helped too.

It's winter again here unfortunately. The temperatures have dropped way down from 2 weeks ago, and there's snow in the forecast. So what did we do? Head to the park! Check out these great photos that Ozayr took with the fancy for-work-but-occasionally-for-home camera... (it will be nice to see myself in the family album seeing as I'm usually the one behind the camera instead of in front of it)



Then we came home and I played a rousing game of Chicken Coffee with the girls. Chicken Coffee started when Maymuna "served" me a (plastic) teacup with a toy chicken in it, proclaiming her imaginary concoction to be most delicious. "Wouldn't you like some Chicken Coffee?" she asked, sweet as pie. Of course, my role is to take a sip and react in mock outrage and a terrible face: "eeeeew! this is awful!!" Then Maymuna will concede to go back to the kitchen and add some ingredient which will make the Chicken Coffee taste much better. Like sugar, or milk, cinnamon or broccoli. My disgust becomes more and more emphatic and, well, shrieky, until I insist she drink it also. The game evolves into the both of us making faces and moaning and causing commotion while Hafsa sits and laughs - sometimes sticking her tongue out too (always out the left side, funny creature). The hilarity persisted right through until dinnertime...

Now they are fed and bathed and asleep soundly in their little beds, exhausted as can be... I am boiling the kettle for a nice cup of decaf tea... Sweet dreams.

Dreams and other early morning stuff

If you are to have the full benefit of the richness of the unconscious you must learn to write easily and smoothly when the unconscious is in the ascendant. The best way to do this is to rise half an hour, or a full hour, earlier than you customarily rise. Just as soon as you can - and without talking, without reading the morning's paper, without picking up the book you laid aside the night before - begin to write. Write anything that comes into your head: last night's dream, a conversation real or imagined, an examination of conscience. Write any sort of early morning reverie, rapidly and uncritically. The excellence or ultimate worth of what you write is of no importance yet. As a matter of fact, you will find more value in this material than you expect, but your primary purpose now is not to bring forth deathless words, but to write any words at all which are not pure nonsense.

From Dorothy Brande's "Becoming a Writer"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Get up a 1/2 hour EARLIER??

It's true what she says, most writers do profess that they need a period of free-form writing everyday to keep things flowing, their mind loose. I tried to do this in the evenings, but my writing journal entries more often than not started out (and this is a direct quote) "I am so tired right now that I'm not even sure that I can write about anything else". You can imagine that a wealth of creativity does NOT often follow such an opening statement. So I've decided to give the mornings a shot and see what happens.

This morning went okay. I got up at 6:30 and nursed Hafsa and then stayed awake instead of going back to sleep. Actually I don't feel too bad. I was crazy for a cup of tea though... but maybe that's because I was dreaming that I was ordering a Turtle Mocha at Caribou Coffee just before waking. I was with my friend Carolyn and she was ordering coffee too, which she never does in real life because she doesn't like coffee. Tea yes, not coffee. Mmmmm, tea.

If you wake up slowly and have a chance to contemplate, like this, you start to remember your dreams rather vividly. Too bad that Turtle Mocha one didn't work out... I do remember that I looked into my wallet to pay for it and all I had was Canadian money. So I probably wasn't going to get it anyway. Also in my dreams last night, a plot to steal some money. For which we needed a vacuum cleaner. And I remember telling my co-conspirators that I had to wait until my kids were sound asleep in bed. We'd have to wait until after 8:30 to execute our plan. Jeez, I'd make a terrible thief. I also dreamt I was shopping in a marketplace looking for a pair of beige pants in countless racks of angora sweaters. My dreams also featured a son, strangely enough. The boy was about 7 or 8 years old. He seemed thoughtful, pensive. He didn't want me to be with him, he wanted to go to the park alone. I smiled and thought to myself, it's happening already, he wants to be grown up, childhood passes by so quickly (extremely quickly in this case). And another dream sketch of someone making oatmeal in my kitchen. I think it was Daniel Vosovic from Project Runway and Stacey, our parent educator at the preschool. All signs point to breakfast... and I will follow the signs...

Good morning all!

Mama's Kiss

Did you know there's something new about Maymuna? And I'm completely in love with it... Can you see it?


I am covered in little freckles and spots... (in fact I think that you can trace a connect-the-dots Big Dipper on my right forearm)... Until recently neither of my daughters seemed to have inherited this somewhat British trait... And then I saw it. I tried wiping it. It didn't come off. I tried washing it with soap. No, it's definitely not dirt. Maymuna has a little freckle, just above her lip. It just appeared one day, and I adore it.

It brought to mind a passage from one of my favourite children's books, Peter Pan. The description of Wendy's mother, Mrs. Darling...

She was a lovely lady, with a romantic mind and such a sweet mocking mouth. Her romantic mind was like the tiny boxes, one within the other, that come from the puzzling East, however many you discover there is always one more; and her sweet mocking mouth had one kiss on it that Wendy could never get, though there it was, perfectly conspicuous in the right-hand corner.

The way Mr. Darling won her was this: the many gentlemen who had been boys when she was a girl discovered simultaneously that they loved her, and they all ran to her house to propose to her except Mr. Darling, who took a cab and nipped in first, and so he got her. He got all of her, except the innermost box and the kiss. He never knew about the box, and in time he gave up trying for the kiss. Wendy thought Napoleon could have got it, but I can picture him trying, and then going off in a passion, slamming the door.

I've named Maymuna's freckle "Mama's Kiss" and it sits there and waits just for me, until maybe one day she'll give it to someone else... Much to our delight another freckle appeared on her tummy, and Ozayr named that one "Baba's Tickle". It's amazing to me that at 3 and a half years old, new stuff keeps happening... Amazing.

conversion to crocs

I can't believe it's taken us this long to get to this subject on the blog: children's fashions. It's unbelievable, and yet true, that buying clothes/shoes for your kids is actually as much fun as buying stuff for yourself. Hard to believe this could be true. But yes, it is and there's a whole lot less guilt associated with spending money on them... hence why my kids look so darn great, and I am still wearing clothes as old as time (thank goodness my mom came to town recently and helped me remedy this.)

This summer my kids will be wearing 2 items which I've actually recently changed my mind on. I used to find these things unappealing, but now, not so much. It is possible that my taste is devolving. Or perhaps that word, dreaded by all fashionistas, practicality, is entering my vocabulary more and more in regard to my kids' stuff.

First, Crocs. Yes, I hated these with a passion not long ago. I thought they were the silliest things EVER. Like, why be waterproof if there are holes in them?? Hello? But last summer Maymuna played outside with her sand & water table or at the park almost every day. And she wore the same sandals almost every day that got filled with dirt, water and sand. The idea of a shoe that I can run under the hose at the end of the day seems suddenly appealing... Even considering little Croclings for Hafsa now... Even considering how convenient slip-on clogs would be for myself when stepping out to backyard... Somebody stop me!! However, I still do have an ounce of sense left, so please do not consider this an endorsement of all the Crocs products... check out this rainboot... yikes!

Next on the list... one piece bath suits with pants and sleeves. No offense to other moms I know who've gone this route before... Despite all the fabulous claims from those who bought them, I wasn't that keen on them until last year when we put Maymuna in the one her grandmother got for her. CUTE!! And comfy and safe for wear in the bright sun, blah blah blah. So convinced am I, that I ordered some for Maymuna and Hafsa too from CWD Kids online to be their 'official' swimsuits for this year. Some places these can be quite expensive (holy 30 dollars Batman!), but these were only $16.99. Better.

Why the sudden summer frenzy you ask? Well, Maymuna starts swimming lessons tomorrow! Correction: Ozayr and Maymuna start swimming lessons tomorrow!! We agreed that Maymuna has had very little experience in the water, and for her to have some more exposure will be fun for her and a little more safe too. She won't be learning to swim exactly but learning water safety and "supported movements" which I assume means how to swim holding a boogie board or floaties or something. Ozayr agreed to take her to the class being taught here at the local pool on Tuesdays after work. Sweet! Maymuna is so psyched! (I am trying to hold in my laughter, I really am... picturing a man standing in waist deep water, with sodden little girl clinging to him... picturing myself, safe and dry at home, nowhere near said wet girl...)

So we're just about ready for summer! Bring it on! (bring on the sunshine I mean, it's been cloudy and raining for days! wah!)