Hey. Snow.
Tall snow.
Oops. Snow.
Snow is fun.
And cold.
Goodbye snow...
we're going in.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Saturday, February 24, 2007
In lieu of our own words...
[Exposed on the mountains of the heart]
Exposed on the mountains of the heart. See, how small there,
see: the last hamlet of words, and higher,
and yet so small, a last
homestead of feeling. Do you recognize it?
Exposed on the mountains of the heart. Rocky earth
under the hands. But something will
flower here; out of the mute abyss
flowers an unknowing herb in song.
But the knowing? Ah, that you who began to understand
and are silent now, exposed on the mountains of the heart.
Yet many an awareness still whole wanders there,
many a self-confident mountain animal
passes through and remains. And that great protected bird
circles about the peaks of pure denial. But
unprotected, here on the mountains of the heart.
-Rilke
Exposed on the mountains of the heart. See, how small there,
see: the last hamlet of words, and higher,
and yet so small, a last
homestead of feeling. Do you recognize it?
Exposed on the mountains of the heart. Rocky earth
under the hands. But something will
flower here; out of the mute abyss
flowers an unknowing herb in song.
But the knowing? Ah, that you who began to understand
and are silent now, exposed on the mountains of the heart.
Yet many an awareness still whole wanders there,
many a self-confident mountain animal
passes through and remains. And that great protected bird
circles about the peaks of pure denial. But
unprotected, here on the mountains of the heart.
-Rilke
Friday, February 23, 2007
Parenting Book: Kid Cooperation
The previous post is exactly why I roped Ozayr into this whole blog thing. He can sort of even things out around here. I can whine over lack of sleep, obsess over my lacking parenting skills and post cute pictures of the children and he can throw in the occasional entry which is poignant, intelligent and relevant to the world at large. I must say it gives Utica Avenue a bit more substance, and makes us a little more well-rounded. A little more "something-for-everyone" type of blog. I like that.
So.
*crickets*
Back to the kids!!
I'm currently in the middle of Kid Cooperation: How to stop Yelling, Nagging & Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate by Elizabeth Pantley. Long title, but accurate I guess. Kind of a desperate sounding title too, it sounds like it was written with the haggard mother in mind. I don't think that I'm necessarily this mother, at this point in time anyway, but regardless this book is full of techniques and suggestions for how to avoid yelling, bullying, nagging, bribing, begging or threatening your kids and still getting them to do what you want them to do (share, take turns, pick up toys, pick up clothes, go to the potty, go to the car, get shoes on, hang up coat, eat dinner and so on) or not do what you don't want them to do (don't sit on or attack siblings, don't spit out food, don't stand on the furniture, don't jump on the couch, don't play with the lights, don't roll out all the toilet paper onto the floor, don't fix yourself a snack, don't eat the cord to your father's Xbox controller and so on). Do I sound haggard all of the sudden? No I didn't think so either.
Okay. The first section, the introduction "Why I wrote this book". Didn't read it, skipped to the next section. (do I sound like I have a ton of time on my hands? who cares why she wrote the book?) Next!
Chapter One - what's your parenting style? There's a little quiz here to help you determine your parenting style. I love quizzes. Very Cosmopolitan. Anyway, I came out right in the middle of this one, The Balanced Parent. I wonder to myself if I am really that balanced, or whether my answers to the questions are just so completely inconsistent and wildly off-base that I just evened out to be balanced. Permissive + Autocratic /2 = Balanced?
Chapter Two - the keys to successful parenting. She gets into the good stuff right away. The Balanced Family has four rules...
Rule 1: Parents take charge. Don't be controlled by your children. You know what's best for them and your family. You have to expect that your house rules are to be followed - if you doubt that why would anyone listen to you? The most important job of the parent is not to make our children happy 100% of the time. Sometimes they'll be unhappy but it's for a good reason. It's okay that sometimes "because I said so" is your reason for something as long you know the logic/reasoning behind it.
Rule 2: Parents think! Don't make decisions and rules on the run. Think ahead of time, don't let your emotions rule your parenting decisions in the heat of the moment.
Rule 3: When you say it, mean it. Children know exactly the number of requests their parents will make before they mean 'business'. Instead, think before you talk and say only what you are willing to follow through on. Next warn ("we're leaving after you're done that juice"). Then act ("let's go!") and help your children follow through with the desired action (like putting on their coat).
Rule 4: Use Skill. Have a plan. Having choices and plans in advance will help to parent less through emotion and more through decision.
There's a section for common mistakes. These are:
1. Giving in after you've already said no (think first and be sure you're ready to stick to your guns)
2. Inappropriate compromise (ie. being pushed into compromise by whining, nagging or pleading)
3. Fuzzy expectations (don't say "be good", say "sit in your chair quietly")
4. Allowing bad manners (your kids won't be polite with others if you don't expect them to be at home)
5. Being inconsistent.
Cool! So now on to Chapter Three - Cooperation. Some suggestions she offers are...
Make a statement. The trash is overflowing. The cat needs to be fed. Your crayons are on the floor.
Use "Grandma's Rule". You may ______ after you __________. You may play outside after you do the dishes.
Give clear instructions. Please put your shoes on and walk to the car.
Give a (controlled) choice. This or that? Me or you? Then or now?
Make it brief. Don't over-explain or rationalize your request.
Make something talk. Be creative, use your best puppet voice.
5-3-1-go! We're leaving in 5 minutes... in 3 minutes... in 1 minute... We're going! (and go)
Ask helpful questions. What will you do now? How can we solve this?
Put it on paper. Use notes, lists or drawings.
Use humour. Make a joke or sing a song. (pick your battles wisely)
Use rules and routines you can/will enforce.
So there's an overview of what I've read so far. I would definitely say that this book is great for practical ideas on how to speak and act, which I appreciate. I've only really written up a *brief* overview - the book goes into great detail about implementing these ideas and their appropriateness. I like that all her ideas really work to preserve the dignity of both the parent and child so no one feels belittled or manipulated. It definitely works to staying honest and upfront with your kids too which I like. I hope I can follow through on some of the new stuff I have learnt here.
There's a lot of emphasis on rules... which I have to admit, my mind is changing about... I guess I used to feel that 'going with the flow' is what best, instincts and all that. I do still believe that, but in a way I find that Maymuna almost responds better to some hard and fast rules. What tends to happen when I go 'with the flow' is that I am paralyzed by indecision when a situation comes up - is it okay for her to do that? I don't know hmmmm... Maymuna seems to like having a plan of action that's predictable each time.
Well, that's all for now! The next chapter is on self-esteem, truly the psychology buzz word of our generation... It should be interesting. More on that at a later date...
So.
*crickets*
Back to the kids!!
I'm currently in the middle of Kid Cooperation: How to stop Yelling, Nagging & Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate by Elizabeth Pantley. Long title, but accurate I guess. Kind of a desperate sounding title too, it sounds like it was written with the haggard mother in mind. I don't think that I'm necessarily this mother, at this point in time anyway, but regardless this book is full of techniques and suggestions for how to avoid yelling, bullying, nagging, bribing, begging or threatening your kids and still getting them to do what you want them to do (share, take turns, pick up toys, pick up clothes, go to the potty, go to the car, get shoes on, hang up coat, eat dinner and so on) or not do what you don't want them to do (don't sit on or attack siblings, don't spit out food, don't stand on the furniture, don't jump on the couch, don't play with the lights, don't roll out all the toilet paper onto the floor, don't fix yourself a snack, don't eat the cord to your father's Xbox controller and so on). Do I sound haggard all of the sudden? No I didn't think so either.
Okay. The first section, the introduction "Why I wrote this book". Didn't read it, skipped to the next section. (do I sound like I have a ton of time on my hands? who cares why she wrote the book?) Next!
Chapter One - what's your parenting style? There's a little quiz here to help you determine your parenting style. I love quizzes. Very Cosmopolitan. Anyway, I came out right in the middle of this one, The Balanced Parent. I wonder to myself if I am really that balanced, or whether my answers to the questions are just so completely inconsistent and wildly off-base that I just evened out to be balanced. Permissive + Autocratic /2 = Balanced?
Chapter Two - the keys to successful parenting. She gets into the good stuff right away. The Balanced Family has four rules...
Rule 1: Parents take charge. Don't be controlled by your children. You know what's best for them and your family. You have to expect that your house rules are to be followed - if you doubt that why would anyone listen to you? The most important job of the parent is not to make our children happy 100% of the time. Sometimes they'll be unhappy but it's for a good reason. It's okay that sometimes "because I said so" is your reason for something as long you know the logic/reasoning behind it.
Rule 2: Parents think! Don't make decisions and rules on the run. Think ahead of time, don't let your emotions rule your parenting decisions in the heat of the moment.
Rule 3: When you say it, mean it. Children know exactly the number of requests their parents will make before they mean 'business'. Instead, think before you talk and say only what you are willing to follow through on. Next warn ("we're leaving after you're done that juice"). Then act ("let's go!") and help your children follow through with the desired action (like putting on their coat).
Rule 4: Use Skill. Have a plan. Having choices and plans in advance will help to parent less through emotion and more through decision.
There's a section for common mistakes. These are:
1. Giving in after you've already said no (think first and be sure you're ready to stick to your guns)
2. Inappropriate compromise (ie. being pushed into compromise by whining, nagging or pleading)
3. Fuzzy expectations (don't say "be good", say "sit in your chair quietly")
4. Allowing bad manners (your kids won't be polite with others if you don't expect them to be at home)
5. Being inconsistent.
Cool! So now on to Chapter Three - Cooperation. Some suggestions she offers are...
Make a statement. The trash is overflowing. The cat needs to be fed. Your crayons are on the floor.
Use "Grandma's Rule". You may ______ after you __________. You may play outside after you do the dishes.
Give clear instructions. Please put your shoes on and walk to the car.
Give a (controlled) choice. This or that? Me or you? Then or now?
Make it brief. Don't over-explain or rationalize your request.
Make something talk. Be creative, use your best puppet voice.
5-3-1-go! We're leaving in 5 minutes... in 3 minutes... in 1 minute... We're going! (and go)
Ask helpful questions. What will you do now? How can we solve this?
Put it on paper. Use notes, lists or drawings.
Use humour. Make a joke or sing a song. (pick your battles wisely)
Use rules and routines you can/will enforce.
So there's an overview of what I've read so far. I would definitely say that this book is great for practical ideas on how to speak and act, which I appreciate. I've only really written up a *brief* overview - the book goes into great detail about implementing these ideas and their appropriateness. I like that all her ideas really work to preserve the dignity of both the parent and child so no one feels belittled or manipulated. It definitely works to staying honest and upfront with your kids too which I like. I hope I can follow through on some of the new stuff I have learnt here.
There's a lot of emphasis on rules... which I have to admit, my mind is changing about... I guess I used to feel that 'going with the flow' is what best, instincts and all that. I do still believe that, but in a way I find that Maymuna almost responds better to some hard and fast rules. What tends to happen when I go 'with the flow' is that I am paralyzed by indecision when a situation comes up - is it okay for her to do that? I don't know hmmmm... Maymuna seems to like having a plan of action that's predictable each time.
Well, that's all for now! The next chapter is on self-esteem, truly the psychology buzz word of our generation... It should be interesting. More on that at a later date...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
of Biloxis, Blahniks and Broadways
I recently spent the last few days in Biloxi, on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. One of my thesis students is presently living out of a recycled Israeli Army tent on the grounds of 'Hands-On USA.' Hands-On is one of the volunteer organizations currently working in Biloxi to help with the post-Katrina disaster relief efforts along the southern U.S, along with other groups like Habitat for Humanity, the Salvation Army and Architecture for Humanity. Biloxi, along with some of the other coastal towns, was among the hardest hit cities when Katrina rolled in. It, along with other towns like Pascagoula, Pass Christian and Waveland, have really low seabed profiles, which meant the storm surge had nowhere to go but up. It hit at about 5 am, at a height of about 26 feet and washed in from the Gulf all the way to the Back Bay.
Our university has a group of graduate students working with the Gulf Coast Community Design Studio for their Spring Semester. There's a group of guys from Mississippi State, one or two from Auburn University (Alabama) and a straggler from the Boston Architectural Center. The design studio is being coordinated by a professor from Mississippi State and an Auburn/Rural Studio Alum. Our students are living in tents (and have been for the last month or so) and have been working with the East Biloxi Coordination Center to help out residents who are trying to get back to a semblance of normalcy. Most of Biloxi's residents are not wealthy. There is a large immigrant Vietnamese population (which was largely ignored by FEMA when they showed up with ridiculous re-building strategies) and a big African American population too.
I flew down to spend a couple of days to see what's going on down there for our students and for my thesis student, which, incidentally, happens to be plenty. We were driving down interstate 90, right along the Gulf Coast, and James, my Grad student observed that Americans need to leave their next generation a broader purpose other than War - and this is a good place to start.
The students are working with local residents where-ever they wind up being needed and in-between the architectural and building 9-11, they are doing policy, zoning and code reviews to figure out how to reduce the financial and bureaucratic loopholes that many residents have to jump through and have no idea how to start. Insurance companies have refused to pay up, the Federal Government has threated to reduce funding assistance to residents, FEMA keeps, I don't know, doing whatever it was (or wasn't) doing and the volunteers keep doing their own thing.
We took a day and went to New Orleans. We spent some time in the lower ninth-ward and in St. Bernard Parish, as well as visiting with some of the other volunteer organizations in the city. The lower 9th is still decimated. Half of New Orleans' population has yet to return. There are 75% fewer physicians, less than 1/2 the public schools are open. There is environmental damage because of oil refinery spills - but Mardi Gras still rolls on...and on...and on.
In Spike Lee's film, 'When the Levees Broke,' someone reflects on the unbelievable complacency of the U.S. government response to Katrina. Condoleeza Rice spent the day after Katrina shopping for Manolo Blahnik shoes in Manhattan, the evening at a Broadway show (where she was boo-ed), and the next day hitting tennis balls with Monica Seles, before realizing that something was happening along the Gulf Coast. George Bush eventually found the door to his office and came out to New Orleans to make some bizarre comments about looking forward to 'sitting on Trent Lott's porch when it gets rebuilt.' Trent Lott, for those of you out there who don't know is, the Junior Senator from Mississippi who once praised Strom Thurmond's support of segregationist political policies (which included a filibuster against the Civil Rights Act in 1957). Senator Thurmond was, up until recently, the longest serving senator in U.S. history.
The government staggered in with regulations and rezoning that required some neighborhood homes to be raised over 24 feet high - which would require ramps (for those needing wheelchair access) over 104 feet long. They neglected to engage the Vietnamese community in Biloxi, instituted bizarrely draconian building-code and permit requirements and basically threw FEMA trailers at people - and is now threatening to yank funding for the re-building initiatives.
lower ninth-ward, new orleans
The spray-paint that you can see on the above house in New Orleans is part of the code that mold-abatement and rescue teams used to communicate the state of the house and any survivors. The upper quadrant contains the date of the review, the right will indicate the team performing the assessment, the left denotes the presence of any hazardous materials, and the bottom number indicates the number of dead bodies found inside.
new house construction in Waveland, MS.
a new brick home in Waveland, jacked up 12 feet.
FEMA sweetness.It is deeply saddening that it takes a disaster of this magnitude to wake people up (I'm sure those Manolo Blahnik shoes were really nice). The equivalent of over 260 World Trade Centers occurred in Rwanda during the genocide in the 1990's. Over 200,000 people have died in Darfur. 230,000 people are estimated to have died in the Asian Tsunami. Over 31 million people have died of HIV/AIDS in Africa - more than 50children have died since I started writing this post - about 1 child every 13 seconds. And Iraqibodycount.com says anywhere from 52-62,000 civilian deaths since the war started. George W. has asked congress for over 147 billion dollars to fund the troop escalation in Iraq (and over 400 billion in defense budget spending). I think that the Gulf Coast has seen less than 7 billion.
Manolo Blahnik sandal : $878.00
Broadway Ticket to Spamalot (orchestra section): $250.00
Monica Seles Career earnings: $14, 891.762.00
Cost per square foot of a new house in Biloxi: $85.00
Graduate student camp in Biloxi.Kids Hair revisited
My girls were looking slightly raggedy, so on Sunday I took them to the mall to get haircuts. You may remember from this post that Maymuna's first professional haircut was less than a year ago... I am pretty sure I did a good job cutting her hair up until that point, but I am much less confident with Hafsa.
Hafsa has 2 cowlicks, one on each side her hairline, plus a little pinwheel one just left of center. In the middle her hair just falls straight down and never goes any other way no matter how much we brush it to the side. Plus she is very wriggly, even trimming the hair out of her eyes has been incredibly challenging. The results of my efforts have been, well, either slightly crooked or just too incredibly straight. And I can't stand even the most good-natured laughter from Ozayr. Oh yeah, and how he takes a picture afterwards. And then emails it to his friends. I think it was the Jim Carrey comparisons that pushed me over the edge. Anyhoo. I thought I'd get her used to the whole professional haircutting experience early on!
I can't say that she loved it. Definitely not. But there were no real tears or screaming, though a few slightly shrieking protests could be heard. In the end I got a little envelope of hair labeled 'baby's first haircut' and she got to sit and eat Cheerios in her stroller while Maymuna had her hair done. I am sad actually that the little baby wispies are gone now though... but I guess in honour of her first birthday coming up it's apropos that she looks a little more like a little girl.
Maymuna is never going to get used to the haircutting thing, poor kid. This time they were playing Ice Age 2 (the movie) on the little TV sets and she was paralyzed with fear watching a saber tooth tiger attack some poor animal. Nice kids movie people! At least it kept her still... though once she jumped in surprise at something on the screen. Probably the pouncing.
Here is my darling girl, you can tell she's just loving the experience... I think this look is something I'm sure to see a lot of when she's like, thirteen.
It's like sad with angry undertones, wouldn't you say?
Anyway, we recovered and headed over to the coin operated cars and Maymuna climbed around on them for a while, and Hafsa munched on Cheerios some more.
So they're all cleaned up and Maymuna's bangs are just about grown out now too! A successful trip in my book...
P.S. Though it's pretty much common knowledge, it's officially out in the blogosphere: a little riddle from a previous post is resolved... click here to find out...
Hafsa has 2 cowlicks, one on each side her hairline, plus a little pinwheel one just left of center. In the middle her hair just falls straight down and never goes any other way no matter how much we brush it to the side. Plus she is very wriggly, even trimming the hair out of her eyes has been incredibly challenging. The results of my efforts have been, well, either slightly crooked or just too incredibly straight. And I can't stand even the most good-natured laughter from Ozayr. Oh yeah, and how he takes a picture afterwards. And then emails it to his friends. I think it was the Jim Carrey comparisons that pushed me over the edge. Anyhoo. I thought I'd get her used to the whole professional haircutting experience early on!
I can't say that she loved it. Definitely not. But there were no real tears or screaming, though a few slightly shrieking protests could be heard. In the end I got a little envelope of hair labeled 'baby's first haircut' and she got to sit and eat Cheerios in her stroller while Maymuna had her hair done. I am sad actually that the little baby wispies are gone now though... but I guess in honour of her first birthday coming up it's apropos that she looks a little more like a little girl.
Maymuna is never going to get used to the haircutting thing, poor kid. This time they were playing Ice Age 2 (the movie) on the little TV sets and she was paralyzed with fear watching a saber tooth tiger attack some poor animal. Nice kids movie people! At least it kept her still... though once she jumped in surprise at something on the screen. Probably the pouncing.
Here is my darling girl, you can tell she's just loving the experience... I think this look is something I'm sure to see a lot of when she's like, thirteen.
It's like sad with angry undertones, wouldn't you say?Anyway, we recovered and headed over to the coin operated cars and Maymuna climbed around on them for a while, and Hafsa munched on Cheerios some more.
So they're all cleaned up and Maymuna's bangs are just about grown out now too! A successful trip in my book...
P.S. Though it's pretty much common knowledge, it's officially out in the blogosphere: a little riddle from a previous post is resolved... click here to find out...
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Felting Fun!
So I have a crafty friend here in Minneapolis (crafty like innovative, artistic, as opposed to crafty-sneaky). She's a knitter. And somehow that statement doesn't really do her justice. She's nutty about knitting. Her name is Shelly and she knit me these cool socks for my birthday.
Now I know even the non-knitterly types out there are thinking, wow, those are cool socks. They are, and they're comfy too and fit like a glove. Anyhoo.
I was taught to knit by my grandmother when I was a girl, though I must say that only a handful of the projects I've started have actually reached completion. Let's just say that there's a sweater in my knitting bag for my niece Safiya. Which I started before she was born. And she's going to be 7 this year. ANYHOO.
Inspired by Shelly's keen enthusiasm and willingness to tutor me, I took on a short and simple project this time: socks that self-stripe (don't ask me how that works, Ozayr and I are still baffled.) Here are the socks... or rather sock.
Now I am being honest here. It's taken me at least 6 months to get this far. And I'm not even on the heel of the first sock yet. But I do enjoy it! I enjoy taking it out and doing a few stitches here and there. It's going slowly. Granted.
One day about 2 weeks ago Maymuna looked at me and asked in her sweetest, sweetest voice, "Mommy could you please knit me some slippers like Julie's?" Shelly's daughter Julie has some awesome felted clogs that Maymuna was seriously coveting. Oh man, how could I resist such a sweet request? And she said it with the hugest brown eyes EVER.
So as you can imagine, when I asked Shelly for the pattern for the clogs I was very nearly laughed out of my own living room. But next came the incredibly nice part: she offered to knit them for me. Half of me was mortified, oh my god, I hope she doesn't think I was trying to get her to do this for me. The other half of me was like, SCORE!!! I accepted her offer and Maymuna got to choose the colours she wanted and everything. She chose hot pink and orange, with green for the soles (a colour combination only a 3 year old can get away with, I think.)
We went to dinner at Shelly's house last night and lo and behold, they were finished! They look huge in this picture, because they are - Maymuna and I got to take them home and felt them ourselves in the washing machine.
Basically you just keep washing them until they shrink to a perfect fit. It only took one hot wash in with the towels to do the trick... Here is Maymuna wearing them. I was pretty sure they were still kind of damp, but she insisted that they were dry enough to wear...
Well, that was such a great little project... and so easy! (oh yeah, I didn't do any of the work... right...)
I just wanted to say thanks! merci! danke! shukran! xie xie! to Shelly for knitting the clogs - Maymuna loves them.
Just a little note - this is the 100th post on the blog! Woo-hoo! I am still enjoying it, I hope you are too!
Now I know even the non-knitterly types out there are thinking, wow, those are cool socks. They are, and they're comfy too and fit like a glove. Anyhoo.
I was taught to knit by my grandmother when I was a girl, though I must say that only a handful of the projects I've started have actually reached completion. Let's just say that there's a sweater in my knitting bag for my niece Safiya. Which I started before she was born. And she's going to be 7 this year. ANYHOO.
Inspired by Shelly's keen enthusiasm and willingness to tutor me, I took on a short and simple project this time: socks that self-stripe (don't ask me how that works, Ozayr and I are still baffled.) Here are the socks... or rather sock.
Now I am being honest here. It's taken me at least 6 months to get this far. And I'm not even on the heel of the first sock yet. But I do enjoy it! I enjoy taking it out and doing a few stitches here and there. It's going slowly. Granted.
One day about 2 weeks ago Maymuna looked at me and asked in her sweetest, sweetest voice, "Mommy could you please knit me some slippers like Julie's?" Shelly's daughter Julie has some awesome felted clogs that Maymuna was seriously coveting. Oh man, how could I resist such a sweet request? And she said it with the hugest brown eyes EVER.
So as you can imagine, when I asked Shelly for the pattern for the clogs I was very nearly laughed out of my own living room. But next came the incredibly nice part: she offered to knit them for me. Half of me was mortified, oh my god, I hope she doesn't think I was trying to get her to do this for me. The other half of me was like, SCORE!!! I accepted her offer and Maymuna got to choose the colours she wanted and everything. She chose hot pink and orange, with green for the soles (a colour combination only a 3 year old can get away with, I think.)
We went to dinner at Shelly's house last night and lo and behold, they were finished! They look huge in this picture, because they are - Maymuna and I got to take them home and felt them ourselves in the washing machine.
Basically you just keep washing them until they shrink to a perfect fit. It only took one hot wash in with the towels to do the trick... Here is Maymuna wearing them. I was pretty sure they were still kind of damp, but she insisted that they were dry enough to wear...
Well, that was such a great little project... and so easy! (oh yeah, I didn't do any of the work... right...)
I just wanted to say thanks! merci! danke! shukran! xie xie! to Shelly for knitting the clogs - Maymuna loves them.
Just a little note - this is the 100th post on the blog! Woo-hoo! I am still enjoying it, I hope you are too!
Friday, February 16, 2007
Happy campers
This is the first tent.
And this is the second tent.
(bigger. more canopy-esque.)
(bigger. more canopy-esque.)
Here are the children in the tent.
Here is Maymuna reading to Ozayr in the tent.
Happy camping!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Parenting Book Status: Derailed
You might remember my post a few weeks ago about how I had these parenting books lined up, and I was determined to start making a dent in them and posting on the blog my progress, and any little nuggets of wisdom I had gleaned from them. Well, I've pretty much finished The Highly Sensitive Child (I got to the highly sensitive teenager, so I figure I can read the rest at a later date) and was about to move on to the next book on the list: How to Talk so Kids will Listen & Listen so Kids will Talk. However, at Maymuna's preschool I meet once a week with a group of other moms of 3-year olds and we decided to read a book together to discuss at our gatherings. The chosen book is Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley. Because this group is really great and I've gotten so much out of meeting with them up until now, I'd really like to participate in this discussion - hence, why I am reading Kid Cooperation right now instead of following my predetermined course.
REVIEW: The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them. By Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.
I really enjoyed this book, though it's not for everyone. The whole premise of this book is that certain people are born "highly sensitive." This is not meant in the sense of "they get their feelings easily hurt" but more in the sense of being sensitive to their surroundings. It's best described in this passage from the book:
"Highly sensitive individuals are those born with a tendency to notice more in their environment and deeply reflect on everything before acting, as compared to those who notice less and act quickly and impulsively. As a result, sensitive people, both children and adults, tend to be empathetic, smart, intuitive, creative, careful, and conscientious... They are also more easily overwhelmed by "high volume" or large quantities of input arriving at once. They try to avoid this, and thus seem to be shy or timid... When they cannot avoid overstimulation, they seem "easily upset" and "too sensitive."
Honestly, I wish that I had read this book years ago. Even as a baby Maymuna was very sensitive to her environment - new people, new places would really throw her off. She would often cry if other people wanted to hold her. When she got older I think she seemed shy or someone who didn't speak much. But at home she was a chatterbox! - in new situations though, she was too busy observing and taking it all in. We'd go to Gymboree classes and she would watch almost the whole time from the sidelines. It was usually when the other kids were leaving that she would venture out to the play floor. She is sensitive to other people arguing, even jokingly or on the TV. She doesn't like loud, startling noises or surprises. It's happened before that we'd be invited over somewhere and Maymuna would cry or cling to me for the first 30 minutes because she was so overwhelmed with lots of new faces, unfamiliar surroundings and all that sensory input just pouring into her little brain! In Ottawa we had all my best girlfriends over with their boyfriends/husbands, and Maymuna spent most of the time in the kitchen with her grandmother (which is exactly what I predicted would happen).
If nothing else, this book has really taught me that it's just normal for some kids to be that way. No big deal!! Before I kept wondering what was wrong, and what did I do to make her so 'timid'. Well, now I know, she's not really 'timid' or 'shy' at all. Those are labels that really oversimplify her persona to the world. Because once she is comfortable and in familiar territory, she can talk your ear off, be fully involved in any activity and initiate interaction with children and adults alike.
Now I also know that I can take steps to help her be more comfortable. Before her first day of preschool, we drove to the building to show her. Then we went to school 10 minutes early the first day, so that she could get there and look around the room and get acclimatized before the other children arrived. I always try to present her a "map" for what's going to happen when we go out, so she knows exactly what to expect.
So the bottom line of this little book review is that I found this book very helpful... not so much in providing a lot of practical strategies for parenting, but mainly to boost my own confidence in stating and standing up for my child's needs, by saying "can we come early?" or "Maymuna will probably just watch this time, maybe next time she'll want to play." I think if I get better at this, Maymuna too will soon be able to verbalize her feelings and not feel badly when she isn't ready to jump into a new situation at the drop of a hat. She's not a kid who's going to sing you a song on command or hug someone she's just met. And I actually like these things about her now that I understand them better.
Of course while a lot of this book concentrated on the challenging aspects of raising a HSC, it also really helped me to realize that there are some wonderful traits associated with high sensitivity. Maymuna has an empathy and caring for others that is, in my mind, pretty remarkable for a child so young (in an age usually marked by unparalleled selfishness). She has a rich imagination, a sweet and kind disposition, and I truly believe that she really thinks about everything. Very contemplative and creative.
Other things I learned about HSC's from this book...
A good parenting book should help you understand and love your child more, and I think this book did that for me. Two thumbs up.
REVIEW: The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them. By Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.
I really enjoyed this book, though it's not for everyone. The whole premise of this book is that certain people are born "highly sensitive." This is not meant in the sense of "they get their feelings easily hurt" but more in the sense of being sensitive to their surroundings. It's best described in this passage from the book:
"Highly sensitive individuals are those born with a tendency to notice more in their environment and deeply reflect on everything before acting, as compared to those who notice less and act quickly and impulsively. As a result, sensitive people, both children and adults, tend to be empathetic, smart, intuitive, creative, careful, and conscientious... They are also more easily overwhelmed by "high volume" or large quantities of input arriving at once. They try to avoid this, and thus seem to be shy or timid... When they cannot avoid overstimulation, they seem "easily upset" and "too sensitive."
Honestly, I wish that I had read this book years ago. Even as a baby Maymuna was very sensitive to her environment - new people, new places would really throw her off. She would often cry if other people wanted to hold her. When she got older I think she seemed shy or someone who didn't speak much. But at home she was a chatterbox! - in new situations though, she was too busy observing and taking it all in. We'd go to Gymboree classes and she would watch almost the whole time from the sidelines. It was usually when the other kids were leaving that she would venture out to the play floor. She is sensitive to other people arguing, even jokingly or on the TV. She doesn't like loud, startling noises or surprises. It's happened before that we'd be invited over somewhere and Maymuna would cry or cling to me for the first 30 minutes because she was so overwhelmed with lots of new faces, unfamiliar surroundings and all that sensory input just pouring into her little brain! In Ottawa we had all my best girlfriends over with their boyfriends/husbands, and Maymuna spent most of the time in the kitchen with her grandmother (which is exactly what I predicted would happen).
If nothing else, this book has really taught me that it's just normal for some kids to be that way. No big deal!! Before I kept wondering what was wrong, and what did I do to make her so 'timid'. Well, now I know, she's not really 'timid' or 'shy' at all. Those are labels that really oversimplify her persona to the world. Because once she is comfortable and in familiar territory, she can talk your ear off, be fully involved in any activity and initiate interaction with children and adults alike.
Now I also know that I can take steps to help her be more comfortable. Before her first day of preschool, we drove to the building to show her. Then we went to school 10 minutes early the first day, so that she could get there and look around the room and get acclimatized before the other children arrived. I always try to present her a "map" for what's going to happen when we go out, so she knows exactly what to expect.
So the bottom line of this little book review is that I found this book very helpful... not so much in providing a lot of practical strategies for parenting, but mainly to boost my own confidence in stating and standing up for my child's needs, by saying "can we come early?" or "Maymuna will probably just watch this time, maybe next time she'll want to play." I think if I get better at this, Maymuna too will soon be able to verbalize her feelings and not feel badly when she isn't ready to jump into a new situation at the drop of a hat. She's not a kid who's going to sing you a song on command or hug someone she's just met. And I actually like these things about her now that I understand them better.
Of course while a lot of this book concentrated on the challenging aspects of raising a HSC, it also really helped me to realize that there are some wonderful traits associated with high sensitivity. Maymuna has an empathy and caring for others that is, in my mind, pretty remarkable for a child so young (in an age usually marked by unparalleled selfishness). She has a rich imagination, a sweet and kind disposition, and I truly believe that she really thinks about everything. Very contemplative and creative.
Other things I learned about HSC's from this book...
- A little discipline goes a long way, a stern word can bring a HSC to tears, so don't overdo it. They easily feel shame where other children would just brush it off.
- Parents of HSC's should never apologize for their children's "shyness" to other people - they will notice that and feel ashamed.
- Parents of HSC's shouldn't push their children into activities ("go play with those girls!") or to interact with someone ("give Uncle John a hug!") if they are not comfortable.
- Give your HSC as much time to observe and assess a new situation as possible (being early to events does help).
- HSC can easily intuit what others around them are feeling.
- For Maymuna I realize that sometimes it helps to operate on our own turf. Playdates at our house are sometimes easier because she can retreat to a quiet place to avoid over-stimulation.
A good parenting book should help you understand and love your child more, and I think this book did that for me. Two thumbs up.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Winter Fun
So, I have to admit - I am truly terrible at this winter thing. I am terrible at taking the girls outside, terrible at encouraging winter sport and I have not made one single snow angel this year. In my defense, it has been very cold out...
Ozayr told Maymuna that he would take her out to play in the snow this past weekend, seeing as the temperatures were decent. I thought we had better make this count, seeing as the poor child's winter fun memories are few and far between. So we did snow painting! (okay, I say "we" as in I supplied the concept and the props and Ozayr followed through with executing the actual out-in-the-cold part)
And of course I had the blog in mind when I also handed him the camera and said "take pictures."
My backyard is now a sparkling array of bright colours that bring to mind the joy and spirit of youth... for the most part anyway. In some areas it does rather look like the scene of some grizzly murder. Note to self: less red paint next time.
Speaking of winter, I was almost all choked up this afternoon over Winterlude of all things. An author/knitter I quite enjoy, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, has a witty little blog, and she and her family took a trip to Ottawa last weekend to go skating on the Rideau canal. They ate beavertails and taffy, they skated and saw the ice sculptures. It's ironic really, that I would be so nostalgic, because while living in Ottawa you would never catch me anywhere near Winterlude in weather like this. I'd inevitably get 'lost' at a Tim Hortons on the way. But there you go... when you're away from home these things seem so much sweeter. And less cold somehow.
Ozayr told Maymuna that he would take her out to play in the snow this past weekend, seeing as the temperatures were decent. I thought we had better make this count, seeing as the poor child's winter fun memories are few and far between. So we did snow painting! (okay, I say "we" as in I supplied the concept and the props and Ozayr followed through with executing the actual out-in-the-cold part)
And of course I had the blog in mind when I also handed him the camera and said "take pictures."
My backyard is now a sparkling array of bright colours that bring to mind the joy and spirit of youth... for the most part anyway. In some areas it does rather look like the scene of some grizzly murder. Note to self: less red paint next time.Speaking of winter, I was almost all choked up this afternoon over Winterlude of all things. An author/knitter I quite enjoy, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, has a witty little blog, and she and her family took a trip to Ottawa last weekend to go skating on the Rideau canal. They ate beavertails and taffy, they skated and saw the ice sculptures. It's ironic really, that I would be so nostalgic, because while living in Ottawa you would never catch me anywhere near Winterlude in weather like this. I'd inevitably get 'lost' at a Tim Hortons on the way. But there you go... when you're away from home these things seem so much sweeter. And less cold somehow.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
of loveys lost and found
"Some babies attach themselves to a blanket or toy that becomes a 'lovey.' This is a transitional object that comforts your baby in your absence. In some cases, you may be able to help your baby become attached to a lovey or comfort object so that he has something to cuddle and help him fall asleep without your help."- "The No-Cry sleep Solution" Elizabeth Pantley
The lovey thing worked out great with Maymuna. First, she took a soother almost immediately.
Then she became attached to a bear that my aunt and uncle sent her when she was born. "Bear" was almost the exact same size as Maymuna when I first began putting him in her crib with her at night. These pictures are from summer 2004 (above) and fall 2005 (left). She has never slept without him to this day. Bear lives in her bed mainly, so that he doesn't get lost, and stays relatively clean, but we take him on plane rides and long car trips too. I really don't see any rush in getting Maymuna to sleep without him, his presence has served us well so far - did I mention Maymuna slept through the night at 2 months?Hafsa refused the soother off the bat. I tried offering it to her the very first night in the hospital, even though they say that's a bad idea. The theory is that babies will develop latch problems because in general soothers are not a realistic shape, and will then have trouble breastfeeding (well, I knew that wasn't going to happen with this child). I went to Target and bought almost every brand of soother available, and she rejected them all. A large waste of sterilizing. And soothers.
Then I went the 'lovey' route. There have been a parade of items that have hung out in her crib for a short while, only to be pitched out, or completely ignored. For many of these items I was the one who was emotionally attached - the little blankey her Datti knitted for her, the teddy bear that Maymuna picked out for her and gave her at the hospital after she was born, the stuffed lion my friend Kathleen got her when she came to visit us in Minneapolis, the little white lamb that my mother brought for her... It goes on and on. I even tried leaving my pyjama top in there with her because I heard that sometimes babies get attached to their mother's clothing because of scent etc. No luck.
Why was I going through so much trouble, you ask? Because I began to suspect... around 6 months ago... that I was Hafsa's lovey object. And, because most of this 'loving' involved nursing, her soother too. Not conducive to getting a full night's sleep, let me tell you.
Well, it seems that Hafsa's lovey has been found. My parents gave Maymuna a Curious George doll when we were in Ottawa in December. I had a Curious George stuffed monkey as a child, and George has had a bit of a comeback due to the movie and my parents saw this doll and thought it would be nice for Maymuna who enjoys the books etc. We accidentally left it in Ottawa (it was hidden for fear of losing it, or sharing it - far worse in a 3 year old's book) and George was sent to us via airmail last week... and guess who took a liking to him. Typical that she would become instantly attached to something of Maymuna's. I should have thought about that before and had Maymuna snuggle up with that lamb or something to entice Hafsa's affection for it, but that's of no consequence now. It's too late. Hafsa wants George.
So we have a shared custody situation at this point. Maymuna gets Monkey if she's watching the Curious George cartoon that's on the PBS station here at 5 o'clock. Hafsa gets Monkey uh... the rest of the time.
Here is Hafsa and her new partner in crime.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Amateur photographeur
Maymuna's been asking to take pictures recently and usually we end up with a shot of some random object. We also get a lot of floor. But she snapped this one the other day and I really like it. Hafsa has learned to "smile" (or grimace) on command which makes her Maymuna's new favourite subject.... Good job Maymuna!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Sponges!
Maymuna has started saying "ya". As in "I'll get that for ya." or "How are ya?" It's just sooooo Minne-soda. It's cracking me up and scaring me at the same time. Kids are sponges, they pick up EVERYTHING. I stopped through the drive-thru to get myself a coffee on the way home from preschool and now I can hear her in the other room playing with her dolls, "Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get ya?" Gack! I might have to start making my chai at home from now on...
Monday, February 05, 2007
Score!
Today the mail ROCKED.
I was surprised to get not one, not two, pieces of 'real' mail - but a whole bundle of it. Between Maymuna and I we managed to score 3 sheets of stickers, 2 photographs, 3 hand-written notes, 3 greeting cards, 2 paper heart chains and an invitation to a birthday party. Here's a picture of Maymuna opening her lot and admiring the result:
I hope my niece won't mind, but I am including a picture of the cutest letter EVER. We will keep it forever! It's so sweet! Thank you Safiya!
That was seriously the highlight of my day, especially seeing Maymuna tear into her mail and enjoy every single little piece. The second best part of my day was Maymuna and Hafsa playing together earlier. It was fleeting, I'll admit, but it was sweet while it lasted and I captured it on film so we can pretend they played that way all afternoon and I can repress the true memories of the chaos that was the rest of our day...
It's one of those days where the sun streams in through the windows - but don't be fooled, the temperatures here are insanely cold. I wish I could tell you the exact temp, but it's cold, just take my word for it, extremely cold. I'll sign off with a picture of Hafsa playing in the sunshine to warm your heart...
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Why I love having a girl....
It's a long (but not that interesting) story how it came about that Maymuna has geisha-hair in this picture. Basically we were getting ready for a lunch date with friends. Maymuna was watching a video while I was in the shower and Ozayr was doing work. Then Hafsa awoke from her nap, and Ozayr went to get her. Just a minute later, a "scary" part of the video came on that freaked Maymuna out (by the way, it is only the Berenstain Bears she's watching, but apparently Sister Bear has a bad dream and it turns out to be Maymuna's worst nightmare too). Anyway, before I know it Maymuna has joined me in the shower. As strange as this sounds, people with children know that it's perfectly logical that something like this should happen. This video is freaking me out! I must find my mother wherever she is and be with her!! So while she was already in there I gave her a good scrub before we started getting ready. But Maymuna's hair is incredibly thick and I was concerned because it's so cold outside today. So, much to our mutual delight, Maymuna needed a blow-dry! Woo-hoo! The velcro rollers, well, they were just there and it seemed like the natural thing to do. :)
We had a lovely time at lunch and now we're hunkered down, in from the cold at home, for the rest of day. Here's a picture of Hafsa. She's working on the 2 top teeth at the moment, and she's putting everything in her mouth, as you can see!
Speaking of our little lion, she has taken her first tentative little steps... It's happened a few times over the last week or so, and I must say that I was delighted and in complete disbelief at the same time. She is pretty pleased with herself, and thinks it's a fun game to take 2 or 3 steps and then fall into my arms, giggling madly. I don't think she fully realizes the implications though, of walking (the freedom! the independence! the trouble!) if she did I'm sure she'd be practicing day and night. But there's plenty of time for that, inshallah.
You know, there's a part of me that always braced myself for the worst, who never wanted to take for granted that this day would come. I can't even express my gratitude that it appears as though my fears are unfounded.
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