Loss (SRC)

Every once in a while something happens that stuns the blogger in me into silence for a few days. Some things are easy to write about, but for me the things that make me sad are the hardest for me to acknowledge, to share. But something has happened and somehow I can't move on to blog here again without acknowledging it. Not the specifics, of course (this is the internet) but how I am feeling, these days.

It's taken me three days to get to this point. If you know me, you probably know that denial is my favourite form of coping... It comes out in the form of optimism most of the time. "Everything is going to be okay" I will promise you, most wholeheartedly. But I don't know that. And sometimes I'm just plain wrong. The thing is that I almost always truly believe myself. That everything will work out fine in the end. Probably why I am rendered speechless on occasions such as these.

I want to rally for myself and those around me. I want to be comforting and positive. I want to assure you that everything will be okay. That we'll learn from this experience. That everything happens for a reason. Somewhere deep in my heart, I believe that I believe that. But I can't access it. Those truths seem so far away. I can't find the energy to look for the less-dark side, or even a cliched comfort. I am at a loss. I don't like to leave you in the lurch here. But I got nothin'.

C & D, there's a letter on the way. But of course, you knew that.